Tag: social media

Categories
Slow Lifestyle

My Easy Unplugged Morning and Evening Routine

Can I talk about staring out windows for a second?

I’m lucky to have a window over my desk where I can stare out at the woods and down at the little alcove of my yard I’m slowly transforming into a Japanese garden. I also get a decent view of the sky, considering I do live in the woods.

I spend a lot of time staring out this window when my mind is drifting away from my work. But the best time to stare out the window is in the morning, before my brain starts working or in the evening when it starts to coast. In fact, on an ideal day, staring out the window is part of my daily routine.

It beats staring at my phone.

A phone-free routine

But here’s the thing, if you want to create a screenless non-scrolling morning or evening routine for yourself, you have to replace the old habits with new habits. Maybe you find yourself too wound-up to stare out the window for very long. I get it. Not everybody can be that chilled-out every day. So, you’ve got to give yourself a list of things you need to do before you log on for the day and after you log off for the night.

It’s just a lot easier to not do what you’re trying not to do when you have something else to do instead. So, here’ how you might want to replace the morning and evening doom-scroll.

Evening

I’m starting with the evening routine because it’s always best to prep for a good morning the night before. Also, since I’m assuming you’re reading this post more or less during the day, while you’re still awake, you’ll be able to implement the evening routine sooner anyway.

Remember, everybody’s life and needs are different, so you’ll want to customize these ideas to fit your own.

Log off after supper

Or even when you sit down to supper. This is the beginning of your evening routine. From now on you’re saying no to social media commentary on current events, blue light and endless scrolling. You now get to be fully present for the final hours of the day.

Go outside after supper

 Take a walk around the neighborhood, play with your dog, work in your garden. Go for a jog or a bike ride if you’re one of those people. Get out and enjoy golden hour. Stick around for the sunset if it looks like it’s going to be a good show.

Read and or journal

Once you’re back inside for the night, settle in with your Sleepytime tea or whatever and do some reading. The Bible or your daily devotional are good options. Just make sure you don’t cram or try to play catch-up in the evenings if you’re behind on some reading plan. You could do mornings and evenings if you’re falling behind, just don’t read for hours when you’re supposed to be winding down. You might also want to journal or read some fiction if you like those things.

Make tomorrow’s to-do list

You know you’re going to start thinking of all the things you didn’t get done today anyway, so you might as well note down what you’d like to start on tomorrow. Remember, you’re probably only going to get half of it done, but that’s tomorrow’s business. Just write it down and we’ll deal with all that in the morning.

Brush teeth, wash face, go to bed

Notice I’m not advocating filling a tub with flower petals and bath bombs, lighting candles, putting on music and doing a face-mask every night. I know these super-extra self-care ‘routines’ are popular on Pinterest, but get real. You do not have the energy and time to do that every single night. And you probably shouldn’t be doing face-masks every day. And that’s a lot of bath-bombs.

Just give yourself time to do essential hygiene before bed. Take your make-up off. Brush and floss your teeth. You know what you need to do to make sure you go to bed feeling like you take care of yourself and wake up feeling refreshed. Just do that. You can do all that other stuff some nights, but it does not need to be part of your routine.

Morning

I hate mornings. Maybe that’s why I have a very strong routine for when I wake up compared to pretty much any other time of day. My brain is not working. It needs to be able to get through the first hour or so of the day on autopilot.

Maybe you’re a little more energetic, and once again, do this your way. If you can pop out of bed at five in the morning and go for a five-mile jog before breakfast, great. But here are my suggestions if you’d rather ease into the day a little slower.

Skincare

This really helps me wake up. My morning skincare if just cleansing and moisturizing, so it doesn’t take long, but the hot and cold water on my face really clears up the grogginess. I also wake up with a headache most of the time, and it somehow takes the edge off of that a bit too. A lot of people shower in the morning, which would probably be even better, but somehow I never got into showering at a particular time of day. It’s more just whenever I think I’m done sweating or digging in the mud for a while.

Tea or coffee

Immediately after my skincare routine, I’m staggering into the kitchen seeking hot black tea. Once it’s steeped, I usually take it to my desk and drink it slowly while staring out the window. Your morning tea or coffee time could also be a good time to touch base with whoever you live with and see what plans they have for the day. I often also review and revise my to-do list at this time.

Breakfast

Some people skip breakfast. Some make whole meal of it. I’m not going to tell you what’s best, I don’t know. It probably depends. Most of the time, it’s probably best to eat something to balance your blood sugar after waking up. It’s usually fairly light for me. Scrambled eggs. Cheerios. Berries.

Go outside

My favorite thing to do after breakfast, if I don’t have to go somewhere immediately is get outside. I like to get gardening and yardwork done in the morning. There’s nothing like outdoor air to finally get you ready to get things done for the day. And if you can do some actual physical work that makes a difference, it can be very invigorating. If you’re more contemplative in the morning, going for a walk or even sitting on your porch or balcony might serve you well enough.

Then You May Log On

And only then. Wait until you’ve gone through your whole morning routine before picking up your phone and checking anything. Keep your morning routine simple and natural. Make it something you can do without a lot of decision-making or working around obstacles. You won’t even be tempted to check your phone.

You may now return to the frenzy of the online world on your own terms. You’ve set your own mood and pace for the day. You know what you need to get done. You’ve also proved to yourself you don’t need to pick up your phone every five minutes. You’re in control of your own time and ready for a great day.

Categories
Social Media

Why I Quit Instagram

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that an unknown indie author trying to gain a readership must be in want of a social media presence.

Social media has become so central to any business plan, you sound crazy the moment you question if it’s actually necessary. Of course it is. In fact, normal people who aren’t trying to promote a book can’t seem to do without it. It makes you less normal if you try to give it up.

Don’t like it? Learn to deal with it. You simply can’t go without social media if you want to gain any traction in this world. Just pick one and stick to it. Post every day. How hard can it be?

Well…we’ll get to that. But let’s start with what I used to think and see how the story goes from there.

Reasons I believed I needed social media:

Platform

You have to have a platform if you want an audience. In the modern world social media just happens to be the most obvious place to collect your people. It’s also very easy to judge how you’re doing by the numbers. Everybody likes that.

Community

This is a huge buzzword. If somebody uses the word “community,” you basically can’t argue with them anymore. Community is literally the most important thing. You literally will evaporate in direct sunlight if you don’t have it as an artist. I’ve seen this happen. And where do you find your community? Social media.

Social proof

People won’t like you unless you’re already popular. Social media is a great way for anyone wondering if they should stan you to just do a quick search and find out what other people think. Most people can’t decide what they like without other people telling them, so—social media.

Staying top-of-mind

See, this is the other thing. Apparently, people won’t think about anything unless it’s right in front of their glassy eyeballs—preferably on a small screen. If you want to live rent-free in anybody’s shabby-chic attic space, you have to pop up in their notifications every single day. You will be evicted and forgotten otherwise, so get on the ticktoks and start lip-syncing like an idiot.

Lastly, it’s free, it’s accessible, and everybody else is doing it. Why not?

Why not?

The downward spiral

Because it almost always takes a turn, that’s why.

Actually, I was always skeptical of social media. It wasn’t until February of 2020 I finally dived into Instagram. It was pretty fun at first, but as I started to accumulate a follower and following list, the pressure began to build.

At first, I told myself it would be worth it. I would find my people here, make connections, grow my readership. I wouldn’t be alone in my work anymore. The stress that came with it was just part of the job.

But the demand for content was becoming draining. Shutting off my creative brain and mass-batching piles of easy-reading captions was not a skill I had. I’m not really a “thought-of-the-day” person. This may surprise you, but sometimes I go days without having any thoughts at all.

I had to do it for the books

The deep desire to see my books reach their audience was at the heart of all this. It was like a toxic marriage holding out for the sake of the kids. But the sad truth was, it wasn’t doing much for readership. Not for the books. Not for this blog.

Something people don’t often acknowledge is the fact that people on social media rarely get off. That is, if you leave a link to your latest blog post in your story, most if not all the people watching will just tap through to the next story. Secondly, people will follow other people on Instagram and never bother to find them anywhere else. They simply don’t care that much.

My conversion rates were a flatline. My followers were not buying. Okay. So maybe it’s not about conversion. Maybe it really is about community.

Toxic conditions develop

Even in the best communities, social media is a breeding-ground for toxicity. And some people can swim right through the polluted waters and never so much as break out. Then there are those who literally die.

But the toxins build up in users minds. For me, it was that constant buzz of productivity, hustle, success. It was the noise of other authors who seemed to do everything correctly against all odds. Not only that, they also held all the correct opinions, and, being wordsmiths, were excellent at sharing them.

Not only was everyone always on the ball in their author lives, they also knew what mattered in the rest of life and were doing quite well in those departments too. And the stories ran on and on—these other authors were quick to display their checked-off to-do lists at 11 a.m., their Bible-study routines, their day-jobs, their family lives, their “hectic” yet somehow flawless schedules were constantly blurring through my exhausted brain.

Now and then I stopped to wonder why people needed to share all those things with the world. It’s all very boring to watch from the outside. And what does it have to do with anything? But all these other authors were what I was supposed to be. I should be doing the same thing myself.

I tried harder–it got worse

But I had to keep up. A breakthrough was just around the corner if I could just survive the turn. Afterall, I hadn’t been on Instagram long at all compared to many people. People who were patient and showed stamina eventually blew up. People who spoke out on the right things and had their hearts in the right place were rewarded. They would find their people. They would grow. They were putting in a lot more work than I was.

You get what you earn. I was just underperforming. If you’re a good steward of what you have, you’ll be given more. I saw it preached again and again by accounts that were doing well. There was no secret. I just needed to try harder.

Then one day, I realized I didn’t want to. I had nearly lost my desire to do anything at all. My writing was suffering. I was overworking and isolating myself. Whenever I tried to do anything else I felt guilty for not working on my Instagram. I was addicted to checking in on the community, desperately trying to stay current on other authors’ accomplishments to make up for the fact I had nothing to say about my own.

Long and short of it was, I had to choose between my sanity and creative happiness and the Instagram community. My physical and mental health was collapsing, and I was closer than ever to completely losing my author career.

So, I quit.

What happened when I quit?

Silence

It felt weird. For years I had always been up to date on this circle of authors’ daily progress. I always knew what projects were about to launch and what challenges people were participating in. Now, there was nothing. There was me and my offline laptop shut away in my room trying to write.

I had been sort of living vicariously through them. Their forward motion created a sense of movement in my creative life, even though my wheels were spinning. Now I was alone with my own stillness.

Loneliness

Social media creates a sense of togetherness in isolated people. Cut it off and what have you got? Nothing, it turns out. Instagram doesn’t really miss you when you’re gone. And I realized how I probably wouldn’t have even gotten into that circle in real life. It’s nothing against them. It’s just true. I don’t get into circles in real life.

I realized how much I had been missing my family. I was always alone. These cyber voices coming from the distance had distracted me from the fact that I was far too alone. I should have spent more time with my family. No wonder I was depressed.

Confusion

I was pretty disoriented. For years I had been pushing toward the goal of breaking into the online author community, believing it was the key to success. Now, I had to rethink my strategy.

Maybe teaming up with a big band of peers was the only way my life’s dream could ever become a reality. But I had given that up. I still wanted to be an author. I didn’t know what to do.

Frustration

My writing was trash. It took forever. The final product was haphazard and unprofessional. Why would anybody read it?

I had hoped all my artistic frustrations would magically dissolve when I quit Instagram somehow. Of course, they didn’t. They didn’t live on Instagram, they lived in my head.

Introspection

Who am I as a creative? What am I truly trying to do?

I started to ask myself questions. If I had five thousand five-star reviews on Goodreads and Amazon, what would I still be striving for? Not six thousand. That was the wrong answer. Was I doing something wrong by not trying to link my books to relevant issues and push my readers to take action against the injustices of today? Were my stories unimportant? Was I just too self-centered as an author?

Finally, I asked myself the real question:

If Jesus were coming within the next few years, what should I be doing?

And the answer came back loud and clear: I needed to finish the Dronefall series.

Inspiration

I didn’t try to analyze why. Maybe my work is important for reasons I can’t even see. I suppose, to an extent, that’s true of everyone. It’s hard to see why anything matters sometimes, but if God tells you to do it, it matters. At this point, I had one book left to write in the Dronefall series. I could do this. I had finished the other five. It was time to write.

And beyond that, it was time to rethink UnsweetenedDarjeeling.com. It was still important to me. But it still seemed to be entirely unimportant to everyone else out there. I began to shift my plan. I shouldn’t be writing an author-instruction type blog. I needed to try something different.

More on that to come.

Can an author and blogger survive without social media?

We have yet to see how this goes. I just got back from my 9-month blogging hiatus. I’m still working on book 6 of my series. But I can tell you, even with the increased uncertainty hanging over my head having quit Instagram, my vision is clearer. My inspiration is returning. I’m entering a new stage in my adventure.

I’ll post on how this is working for me from time to time. I hope you stay around to watch.

Please join my email list before you go!

This is one of the best ways to support me in my new social media free efforts. Also, I try to write newsletters you’ll actually want to open. None of that “5% off my latest course,” kind of business. I tell stories and stuff. Sometimes there are pictures. Also, you’ll get the password to my secret library and get some random exclusive content, so just do it.

Thanks!

Categories
The Artist & The Audience

How To Set Boundaries and Not Overshare Online

In the online community, there’s a lot of discussion about being honest. Being authentic. Not creating a fake idealized image of yourself to present to the world.

And yet, whether or not you straight-up lie on social media, you’re going to be faking it to some degree. Maybe not actually faking it, but you’re going to be curating  it. You are going to be presenting yourself a certain way, and you’re not going to be %100 transparent. Ever.

But is that a bad thing? If you’re a creative, you have a certain understanding that art is probably over half presentation. You choose and refine how you present your subject matter. Dumping a truckload of bricks doesn’t result in a great work of architecture. For the same reason, carefully selecting that kinds of things you share online is not just in your nature as an artist, it’s actually the smart move when you’re running a social media presence that will be connected to your work. 

Being Human Online

In case you haven’t noticed, cyberspace isn’t like the physical world. The gurus will say you need to be human on social media. What they won’t tell you is there’s a slightly different strain of humanity that rears its head there. It has the attention span of a goldfish, it gets offended like a nest of hornets, it misunderstands everything, and it needs everyone’s attention 24/7.

Nobody is human online. That’s okay, but it also means you need to think twice or three times about how you present yourself if you want to survive, keep your friends, and build your reputation on the right things.

When it comes down to it, you really don’t want to share too much of your “true self.”

Reasons why you might not want to share too much of yourself:

  • Privacy—duh

You don’t owe anyone vulnerability. That’s the hard truth. You have a right to keep certain things—anything you want—to yourself. You also don’t have to explain why. Some of it might be for your personal safety, other things could just be details you don’t feel the need to share. You might consider them unhelpful or distasteful to your audience. Or you might just be shy and reclusive. You are allowed to have those personality traits. A lot of artists do.

  • Pressure

Sometimes I feel like I have to give updates on all my projects and tell everyone approximately how soon I hope to get them done. I really want to break this habit, because it puts a lot of totally unnecessary pressure on me. Unless I’m collaborating with someone, nobody really needs that information. I’m just setting up deadlines and forcing myself to feel like my whole audience is holding me accountable, when in fact, nobody really cares that much.

Which brings me to…

  • The real risk of boring people

Okay, I know it sounds harsh, but one of the fastest ways to bore people is to talk about yourself. And the more detailed it gets, the less people ae inclined to hear you out. And you also need to pay attention to the interests of your niche. Why would anybody care what you ate today? If you’re not a health and nutrition blogger, your followers are just going to wonder what that’s got to do with anything.

I know in the age of social media, with everyone essentially making reality tv-shows out of their day-to-day existence, a lot of people have lost their sense of what should be their business only. I thought of a little test you can use that might put that in perspective.

What if the paparazzi were the ones behind the camera?

It becomes really annoying/creepy when you think about it that way. Beat it! I’m just trying to eat lunch. I’m at the gym, get off my back, would ya? I’ve had a terrible day and am literally shut in my bedroom crying—Cut. The. Cameras.

Set some hard boundaries for yourself if you ever feel pressured to overshare online. Choose some things you just won’t broadcast and stick to it. What kinds of things?

Things you might want to consider keeping to yourself:

  • Family news

Some people feel okay about updating the whole world on not just their own milestones and significant events, but also those of their family members. I draw a line here. I might not even tell Instagram if I get married—I certainly won’t be sharing endless carousels and reels of wedding pictures. It’s very standard for most people, but I’m also a little uncomfortable with the way people post pictures and updates on their babies and kids. Unless I have a private personal account, I won’t be doing that. It’s not going to happen on my author account—ever.

  • Physical and mental health

Another one I choose to avoid. It’s different if you’re a health and wellness account and the information is relevant—otherwise, that’s personal information. As an author, you won’t catch be babbling on about my latest illness, doctor’s visits, or how much weight I’ve gained or lost over the summer. My mental wellbeing is also something I prefer to keep to a very limited circle of people who care the most and could actually help me if I needed something. Though these things can affect my art and my productivity, I don’t think it’s something we should feel like we have to explain to our audience. They know we’re humans. We don’t have to prove it.

  • Travel plans

These first three points are debatable, and whether or not you share on these topics will depend on your niche. If you’re a mommy blogger it might be logical (within certain common-sense limits) to share about your kids. If you’re a health blogger, it would make sense to discuss your own health journeys. If you’re a travel-blogger, you’re probably going to talk a lot about your travels. But there is actually a practical precaution to take when you’re telling the world where you’re going to be, and when. It can become a safety issue, so use discretion.

  • Uncertain plans

Remember what I mentioned about putting unnecessary pressure on yourself? This one is hard for me, because I get very enthusiastic over newly-formed plans and if they relate to my niche—as they often do—I will be very tempted to go on Instagram and scream about them to everybody. Guys, guys, guys! I’m gonna do a thing! Read all about it! But I also change plans and timelines for plans every other day. It’s like making a promise and not being able to keep it. Even if my audience doesn’t really care, it takes the wind out of my sails and makes me feel unprofessional. I’m working on this one. Though I think a lot of creatives probably relate to my slightly manic tendencies.

  • Every little up and down

Once again—you owe it to no one to prove you’re human. If they don’t assume as much, that’s their problem, not yours. You don’t have to get on stories everyday and tell everybody exactly what you’re doing and how you feel about it every other hour. You’re having a blissful afternoon? Great. Enjoy it. You’re down in the dumps again? I actually recommend you stay as far away from social media as you can, in that case. It won’t help. Your son’s team won? Your cousin is getting engaged and you now feel like a languishing old maid, alas, alack? You’ll process all these things better without worrying about likes and comments, trust me.

  • Controversial opinions

What?! Not share controversial opinions on social media? Isn’t that what social media is for? Dividing people along ideological lines and having silent screaming matches with total strangers? Okay, so the truth is, every opinion will offend somebody, so this one can’t be completely avoided. But as an artist, I’ve prioritized being known for my work, not my opinions. If you want to be one of those artists who addresses “issues” you can do that. But choose your issues wisely, and don’t pick every possible fight. You will burn out and you will make a lot of enemies. Also, hold whatever opinions you want, but if you want to take a stand on something, make sure it’s something you don’t mind being permanently associated with. You may want to be known as an advocate for adoption, but you might not want to be too loud and outspoken on your hearty support of capital punishment, for example.  

The value of mystery and art speaking for itself

One more thing. Doesn’t anybody care about being mysterious?

Aren’t people who have their secrets, lead lives of their own, and maybe don’t voice their opinions at every opportunity automatically cooler? No?

For me, and maybe for you too, I want to be known for my work. I write books. I want people to find out about me when they read them. That way, I can share my thoughts and feelings with the world by a process that lets people experience them, not just hear about them. But most of all, I want my art to be about something bigger than me and the details of my own journey. It should be something that helps people understand themselves, the world and God.

You can make your online presence an extension of that. And as a result, you can see yourself as creating art every time you compose a new post on Instagram. And your art is whatever you want it to be.

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